Fans, I could not be more proud of the work our players put in over the summer.
The difference between how we looked in our inaugural Plaintiffs-Defendants intrasquad scrimmage in the spring and what we’re seeing today is like night and day – if you can picture a night working blindfolded in a coal mine during a power outage for a shift supervisor with a strict rule against practicing football in the tunnels. Now imagine a day with Vince Lombardi and Bill Belichick barking signals and aiming laser pointers into our players’ eyes during a practice held on the bright side of the sun. I’m not exaggerating.
As our athletic director likes to say, the Gaveliers are robed and ready. And you are positively going to fall in love this team.
Our offensive line is so stout that we replaced our blocking sleds with a seven-mile section of the western slope of the San Andreas Fault. Over the past six weeks our starting five have made the state of California six inches wider.
To get experience on a different surface, we ran a few speed drills for running backs and receivers at the famed Churchill Downs horse racecourse in Kentucky. Everything went well until a facility scheduling error resulted in three of our pass catchers sweeping the Bluegrass Stakes. The resulting 89-86-81 exacta paid $72,341.16.
Three weeks ago our defensive coordinator, Mel Overback, began a tradition of ending each practice with a spirited tug-of-war. On one side are the D linemen who graded out the best in that day’s drills. On the other side: the USS Lyndon B. Johnson. Admittedly, the warship has won every rope pull so far, but the gap is closing, and the Navy is worried.
Speaking of grading out the best, I am proud to report that your fellow judges who made the inaugural 75-man Gaveliers football roster boast a 99 percent Graduation Success Rate. I haven’t been part of an organization with that level of success since I served as a prosecutor in North Dakota after the state revived enforcement of a law making it illegal to lie down and fall asleep with one’s shoes on.
Rest assured that your Gaveliers are not going to lie down for anyone this season, and we will sleep in our cleats if that will help us win games, which it won’t, so never mind.
You can show your support for the NJC and America’s Judicial Football Team by buying and wearing officially licensed Gaveliers gear. Wear Gavs gear to our games or wherever sports fans are likely to point at you and say, “I don’t think that’s how Cavaliers is spelled.”
You stand up straight and tall and tell them, “It is at my college.”
Go Gavs!
Coach Dreyer
Judge Dreyer, a one-time quarterback at Notre Dame, was the prize recruit from the transfer portal entering the Gaveliers’ inaugural spring practice earlier this year. That changed when it was discovered that his experience playing quarterback at Notre Dame was literally one time, during his freshman year. He donned a football uniform as a costume for a dorm Halloween party. It wasn’t even a Notre Dame uniform, and he was going for robot. Judge Dreyer has served many roles in amateur and professional sports, including football starter in eighth-grade, sports talk radio show caller, church kickball coach (penitential), and associate head coach of the Super Bowl XLI champion Indianapolis Colts (delusional). He is known as a by-the-book coach, that book being Football for Dummies.
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